Her

She is beautiful, wonderful and absolutely, out of this world stunning. She’s also my friend which is a cause for concern, especially when the whole time you’ve been friends I just so happen to be in love with her. It’s different though, she likes me, I make her laugh and we really can be good friends but I feel that if I actually told her how I felt that she would think that I was only after one thing that whole time and then I would lose her and the other friends that would follow.

God this sounds so corny but when I think about her its rarely in a sexual way, usually I’m just hugging her and being with her and that’s all I ever really want, just to have someone there instead mindlessly floating from College to my house and then back to college the next day and then occasionally to work as well. I knew that her friends knew, because they made it so painfully obvious, one of her friends would always say “you love *name* don’t ya?” just to get a reaction, the others however once decided to pretend to be the girl on MSN, they chose to talk to me just after I had got home from seeing the cricket at lords, I was a little drunk but my actions were VERY embarrassing and whilst it was never spoken of I knew that they talked about it. She never made it obvious that she knew, in fact she never did anything, she always acted so normally.

There was also the time that I heard that she had fancied me all along, well of course me being the paranoid wreck that I am, didn’t believe a word of it and thought of it as a trap. Maybe it was true but that time was over pretty soon because out of nowhere she bought along the boyfriend she never mentioned and I never knew about. This happened twice and it was much worse the second time.

I’ve only ever come close to telling her twice,

Once was when I first knew her, at that stage it was a crush but I wanted to ask her out. However I choose the same day as another boy who just so happened to be a good friend and you know what she said to that boy? She said “I’m really sorry but you’re more like a brother to me”

Wow. She might as well have kicked him in the balls.

Well that’s my kind of luck (which I like to call “Ben’s Law” a variation of Sod’s one) and whilst we did take the piss out the situation in our group of friends I didn’t half feel sorry for him especially considering what I was going to do.

The second time was at the end of our stay at secondary school, at the prom.

It was going to be perfect, dresses, dancing, suits and alcohol. It don’t get more Hollywood than that.

I was hyped up anyway because this was the climax to out tenure at what was a really, really bad school in retrospective but I knew I was going to do it. I waited though until the after party and fate sat us next to each other on the limo back my mates house and we laughed and I was a tad drunk (probably because of the very warm fosters I found and downed)

However what I didn’t know was that she wasn’t going to go to the after party because it was her first day at work the next day. Bens Law strikes again, we got out the limo and low and behold her car was ready, parents and all to take her away. She said goodbye to everyone one by one and surprise, surprise again I was last. I was distraught but I hugged her and watched her leave (great ass for the record) and then she was off. My best friend at the time came to get me; he worked it out before anyone else but never said anything.

And that’s how it works in my life, we go to different colleges now but we see each other on the train platform usually on a Monday and Thursday and then I walk past the shop she works in multiple times (intentionally) each Saturday at work. She does actually notice me and I suppose that whilst she does acknowledge my existence then I should at least be kinda happy.

Girls eh?